Such stuff as dreams are made of

I came across a girl at the beach. I was out walking with the dogs and my Dad, when we became separated from the puppies. We turned and walked back, calling as we went, and some people shouted out to us, “here they are!”

Two were friends of my brother’s, or acquaintances, and the third was a girl.

She was so beautiful, I forgot sense for an instant and dreamt of a future, less an idea and more a feeling, perfect. She was a ghost, a platonic form, our meeting a reunion with one I’d loved with all my heart: first elation, then redoubled misery with the truth she couldn’t be real, as though seeing one long dead in a crowd-- the dawning that It’s been so long since I felt anything similar, because I’ve learned slowly, unconsciously, not to dream of love.

I can say she was beautiful, and she was, but what does that tell you? She was a dream-- just rosy skin, sunlit hair, and two steady, green eyes against the snowy seashore.

God

I've been looking for the right place to use this, and perhaps this is not it, but oh well.

"Ask God for forgiveness? Surely he is the one struggling and reaching out to us, asking forgiveness of us, for all the things he never meant to do. It takes power to forgive him far greater than any other. And perhaps the splendor of our world is the creator trying, the best way he knows-- to show us he's not all bad"

Some character may speak these lines, or a version of them, someday. I thought it was an interesting reversal of the normal idea.

Kung Fu

The reasons behind my imminent adventure in China, in no particular order, as I think of them. I have tried to organize essays on the subject, but it appears futile for the present.

I enjoy martial arts on a level separate from reason and I'd like to be proficient.

It will not lead to a lucrative future, but, as I have no purpose in life, I've decided to reach for the opportunity while I can and deal with the consequences, whatever shape they may take, later on. The adventure is within my grasp-- what a slow torture it would be to remain, and not go and regret, and wonder for the rest of my life what could have been.

I'm tired of a life of lethargy. I feel that if my sedentary behavior is allowed to continue it will lead to very poor health in the future. I want to get in shape, learn how to stay healthy, and build habits that will last a lifetime. Good habits are like trees. Given enough time they'll grow and stand independently, but in their youth the antecedent weeds can destroy them.

I'm looking for some like-minds. Not that I expect to find any really, but there's a chance.

I want to make an earnest, hardworking effort-- something I haven't truly done in far too long. I want to focus and live a simple life away from the entrapments of normality. I want to do a thing because I want to, not because I have to.

I want a true adventure, to see another culture, learn another language, and to broaden my experience. I want an interesting life!

I can't stand the idea of pursuing a job "just because" or getting locked into a career that I'll ultimately hate. It appears my answer to this is to spend all my money and avoid work altogether. Such a solution won't last forever, but we'll see where it gets me. The money I lose on this venture is likely to be far less than that entailed by any other education I could pursue, and I believe I'll actually appreciate it rather than despising it.

I can't live with myself without being true to myself.